Kill a cyclist, pay $110
Until the city lives up to its bike-plan promises, door-prize givers will get away with murder
BY Jonathan Goldsbie
What if I told you that you could kill a man — or a woman or a child — for the low cost of $110? No jail time. No criminal record. No other fines or fees. Quite a bargain, huh? And you may not even have to pay that much, if you successfully challenge the penalty in court. The offer is not gonna get any sweeter than this. I dare you, find a better deal. Kill a person, pay $110, move on with your life.
How, you might ask? Well, it's obvious. Just pick someone whom society willfully neglects, whose life is considered unimportant and whose death is no big whoop, an unfortunate but forgettable consequence of modern society. A little collateral damage at the margins. Nope, not homeless people. They're looking down on that now.
I'm talking about cyclists. Just open the door of your parked car into an oncoming cyclist and smack 'em into traffic. It might take several tries before you actually kill one, but keep at it. The police will be hesitant to charge you at first. And then other cyclists will get all uppity, and police will compromise with a $110 fine. Because that's how much a cyclist's life is worth.
Incidentally, it's also how much a cyclist is fined for not coming to a complete halt at a stop sign. Or not having a bell. Or having a defective bell. Or riding in or along a pedestrian crossing.
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