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Friday, October 09 2015 @ 11:47 PM UTC

Area Man's Biggest Accomplishment Not Ever Killing Anyone With His Car

Biking ElsewhereVia the Onion {Yes, this is satire]

HAMPSTEAD, NH—In his 36 years of life, Gary Widmer's greatest contribution to humanity has been not causing any fatalities while behind the wheel, sources close to the Hampstead man confirmed Thursday. "Overall, I've got a lot to be proud of: I worked my way through college, I'm a good friend, I have a solid job," said Widmer, whose most enduring† deed thus far is never having sent a pedestrian rolling over his hood or slamming his car into a bus full of schoolchildren. "And I try to give back to the community, too." ...
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